Toybox - Door jam cuffs

Attention fellow penny-pinching kinksters: If you (like a certain blogger) are proudly kinky and sexy, but can't afford to outfit an entire dungeon, you NEED to get these door jam cuffs from Babeland.



The concept is simple, really: A pair of separate soft, comfortable velcro cuffs are attached to flat nylon straps with a perpendicular plastic tube at the end. Using the cuffs is just as straight-forward: Hang the plastic tubes on the opposite side of your door, with the straps running over the door itself, cuffs facing you. Then close said door.

And then, lo and behold, you have instant cuffs with which to tie your lover standing against your door. And perhaps it's just me, but I really, really love the sight of my boy stretched out in front of me, all exposed and vulnerable and delicious... Speaking of...

Anyway - not only are the door jam cuffs SUPER easy to use, they're actually really quite strong.

I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting the velcro cuffs to support my weight, or my boy's pulling against them - which has already claimed parts of my bedframe... To my surprise, though, when my boy strapped me in to the cuffs, pinned me against the door and pulled both my legs around his waist, the cuffs didn't budge. Even on my antique door frame, the cuffs solidly held me, even as I wrapped my hands around the straps for support. And, yknow, I'm not a tiny person.

And when you're all tuckered out, the cuffs are easily tossed into the bedside drawer or toybox, without any damage to furniture or doorframes. (Which is especially good news for kinksters who rent and can't put holes in the walls.)

Combined with my under-the-bed restraint system, my room is becoming quite the unassuming dungeon. And if the bruises and scratch-marks are any indication, it's only going to get better.

Rating: Five out of five stars!

So, yes. Go get these cuffs! And the only way to make them better is to get them from Babeland, the sex-positive, women-inclusive online and store who so graciously gave me the cuffs to review! Babeland, the boy and I owe you. Big time.

Toybox: Fusion Duality

OK. So Babeland sent me the Fusion Duality to review. The site's description (and the toy's packaging) boasts that the Fusion has "16 different vibrating combinations!" Woo!

Per usual, my nondescript brown package arrived about a week after I ordered the toy. (My roommate has told me she's always curious about what new toy I've acquired whenever I get one of those boxes... hehehe.) The Fusion's presentation was nice - in its own little tin, packed with black foam padding. Certainly seemed promising. And really, who could complain with 16 vibrating combinations! And a curved head to hit your G-spot! And a rounded, bulbous end that's also insertable! Wowee!

Well, apparently I'm that person who could find something to complain about. Maybe complain isn't quite the right word, but I think this toy fell victim to the trying-to-be-too-much syndrome. In my experience, the toys that I enjoy the most do one thing, and they do it well. When toys start to make an effort to be too many different things, everything ends up falling short of the mark.

The hard, phthalate-free material was pleasantly silky to the touch - which is a quality I like in my toys. It's purple, which is fine by me... I tend to be drawn to purple in a lot of aspects of my life. Anyway. The Fusion requires four AAA batteries, which aren't included. I know they're small, but, really? Four? Bleh.

And that much-touted 16 combinations? Well, what they mean is that each side has three settings. Which, with all that fancy math-stuff that's beyond my pretty little head's comprehension, means there are technically 16 combinations. Which is fine. But, of course, if you have one side of the toy inside you, different vibrations on the other side of the toy are going to be pretty difficult to discern. Of course, it's entirely possible that others have more sensitive cunts than I do, but I couldn't feel much of a difference anywhere except in the hand that was holding the toy inside me. Too many things.

I was also excited about the interesting curved shape of the Fusion Duality. The curved end is almost flattened, like a spoon, with a little nub along the shaft of the toy that is, near as I can tell, designed to hit both the g-spot and the clit simultaneously. Which would be awesome. If it worked.

I'm finding this with several different toys, so maybe I just have a weirdly shaped cunt, but this toy wasn't even close to hitting my g-spot. Or my clit. Which was, to say the least, a bummer. If I moved the toy deep enough to hit my g-spot, then it wasn't on my clit, and vice-versa. Again, too many things.

The bulbous end was nice enough, but notably shorter than the curved end. And the buttons are on the bulbous side, which means the insertable length is even shorter if you want to change to a different one of those 16 vibration settings. Shocker: Too many things.

Overall? I'd give the Fusion Duality just one star. It might work for some people, and the site suggests trying it as a double-ended toy with a partner (although I'm not sure it's long enough to do that well), but at least for me, it just wasn't the right fit.

But this is the first real strike-out of anything I've reviewed from Babeland. So it should definitely NOT discourage you from going and checking out all of the awesome stuff this women- and sex-positive store has online. Or, if you think it might work for you, go check out the Fusion Duality!

Toybox: Lover's Paintbox

I don't like chocolate. I should preface this whole review by saying that. *insert "GASP! But you are a woman! How do you NOT like chocolate?!?!?!1!!" here.* I've never liked chocolate. It used to drive my grandparents crazy every easter, halloween, and any other holiday where adults stuff children full of sugar in celebration of... something.

Nevertheless, I did try all three chocolate flavors in the Lover's Paintbox which VibeReview sent me. The kit comes with three flavors of chocolate flavored "body paint:" Dark, milk and white chocolate. I expected to like the white chocolate best, but it was actually a little too tangy for me. I know white chocolate is really hard to get right (although I don't know why), but I think the sharp smell may also have set me off. Opening the jar smelled a little chemical-y... not my favorite scent. To my surprise, the dark chocolate was actually good. Still syrupy and sweet, but a nice, rich flavor. Tasted quite good when licked from one of my partners' neck. The milk chocolate flavor (which, to be honest, I didn't try until later,) wasn't overly memorable. Fine, but nothing to write home about.



The boys who had me tied up with my Under the Bed Restraints seemed to very much enjoy themselves with the Lover's Paintbox, though. They did abandon the "supple body brush" for their fingers quickly, though. (Also, there were two of them and only one brush, and while they were clearly good at sharing, there are logistical limits.) Had I been able to roll around more, I'm sure my sheets would have been even messier than they already were. There was a decided fine layer of sticky chocolate residue wherever they'd painted me.

But it was absolutely fun to have my body covered in chocolate and have the boys have a reason to run their tongues all over me. (A reason BESIDES having me naked and tied up, I mean.) Especially when one of the boys figured out to warm the jar in his hands for a little while before painting me with the chocolate - it went on smoother and felt even better on my skin.

So, while I wouldn't say that this is my favorite toy ever, it definitely added another layer to an already indulgent evening. If you're a chocolate junkie or a true fan of food+sex, this is absolutely for you. I can also see it being a fun bachelorette party gift or something of the like - silly, fun, and just a little racy.



Rating: 3 out of 5 stars.

Want your own Lover's Paintbox? How about a great selection of other sexy toys? Then hit up VibeReview and take advantage of their great merchandise and fabulous prices!

Toybox: Under the Bed Restraint System

So, the lovely folks over at VibeReview have been EVER so gracious and patient with me while I took my sweet time reviewing the last two of the toys they've sent me. To be fair, the last two required partners, and, well, those have been in short supply lately. Luckily, that changed this weekend.

I've been aching to test out my Under the Bed Restraints for, literally, MONTHS. The idea is so awesomely fantastic: Affordable, easily hide-able restraints that are not only easy to set up and fit to any bed, but, again, are AFFORDABLE.

As a recent college grad still living paycheck to paycheck (thank you, student loans), I love this fact about the Under the Bed Restraints. I also love the nylon straps that make up the bulk of the system. Laid out, the system looks something like an X with an elongated, straight middle. Maybe like two Ys on top of one another. It is easily adjustable - it fits my full bed comfortably, and I've heard of others who have larger (and smaller) beds saying the same. Essentially, you slip the straps underneath your mattress (between the mattress and the box spring, although I imagine it would also work on an all-in-one mattress, as long as there was something solid to the straps from just falling to the floor. The four straps are all adjustable with easy plastic clips (think of those on a backpack's straps) so even once you've got it set up, you can adjust them to go to the corners of the bed (and stretch you or your partner farther), or pull them to either side to really control how much movement your... ahem...subject has.



And I can tell you from experience - once you've got the straps tightened the way you want them, they are tough to wriggle loose of when you're attached to them. They kept me sufficiently restrained, even when I had TWO boys doing their damndest to keep me writhing as much as possible.

Basically, I love everything about the Under the Bed Restraints. Except the cuffs it comes with. I applaud the makers for including four cuffs, but they are soft polar-fleecey material with a little bit of velcro. First off, I hate polar-fleece stuff, but also, the velcro just didn't do the trick. If you or your partner are anything but a totally obedient and, well, submissive, sub, you'll pop them open. Luckily, I had my own leather and metal buckle cuffs to replace the default cuffs. Once we made this switch, it was smooth sailing. My cuffs were easy to hook to the circular metal rings at the end of each strap.


Yeah, NOT gonna do the trick.

But overall, I LOVE my Under the Bed Restraints. I can't wait to test them out again. Just need a volunteer. Anyone interested?

4.5 stars out of 5. Get yours now! Or just go check out all the sexy stuff at VibeReview!

Toybox: Corset Vibe

I LOVE corsets. Part of it is the sub in me, part of it is the Ren Faire nerd in me, part of it is the fashionista that adores the idea of anything that accentuates my tits and minimizes my waist. Brilliant idea!

So, not surprisingly, I was drawn to the Corset Vibe when it appeared in my Babeland Affiliate email.



I was thrilled when the (pleasantly nondescript brown) package arrived at my house about a week later. (Aside: It's impossible to keep your sex blogstress status a secret when you share a house with roommates who are a little suspicious about packages with alliterative psuedonyms as addressees. hah.) Inside the box was surprisingly decorative packaging, and what I discovered is officially called the "Girdle" from Touche. I must admit, I prefer the imagery of a corset over that conjured by the word "Girdle." So I'm going to keep referring to it as the Corset Vibe.

Two important things. The Corset Vibe is 100% silicone and phthalate-free. Yay for no scary chemical molecules making us sick! Of course, since it's silicone, that means NO silicone-based lubes. Melted, gooey silicone vibes are no fun. Especially when they're as good as the Corset Vibe.

The silicone is soft but not slippery, and the vibe itself is bendable, if not entirely prehensile. The folks at Touche have kindly included two AA batteries, which saves the near-obligatory raiding of household battery-run objects. It took me a minute to figure out how to turn the damn thing on (Hint: Hold DOWN the button. Right. I'm college-educated, I swear.), but then it was easy to change the settings - just a single click on the single button on the bottom of the toy.

The Corset Vibe boasts five different vibration patterns... All of which, actually, I like. There are slow, medium, and high constant buzzing, in addition to two differently timed buzzing patterns. (Think buzzbuzz.....buzz. and buzzzz....buzzbuzzbuzz....buzzz.) The slowest/lowest vibration setting was a little soft, even for me, but could definitely be fun for warming up or cooling down. The rhythmic patterns are simply fantastic, with pauses just long enough to keep you aching for the next just as it is delivered.

So of course, the namesake of the vibe comes from the corset-like "lacing" pattern up one side of the shaft of the vibe. I was wondering if these would really make a difference - or even be noticeable - when the vibe was actually inside me. Well, I never got to find out.

I tried, I really did. But the head of the Corset Vibe was just too big to fit comfortably inside me. It's a lovely shape and I'm sure for some people it might work wonderfully - but it felt too snug in me. And my cunt seemed to dull the vibrations - which makes sense, but made me sad because they felt so awesome on my clit. So my only complaint is that the Corset Vibe is too big to fit inside me.

But I LOVE the vibrations it gives off. And while using a dildo-sized toy singularly as a clitoral vibe might seem a little excessive, the speed and variation and intensity of the vibrations are just so PERFECT that the Corset Vibe has become my new favorite vibe.

So, I give it 4 our of 5 stars - because if I could feel those same vibrations in my cunt, I'd imagine they would be even better.

Want your ownCorset Vibe? Check out Babeland, the fabulous, women-friendly and sex-positive place for all things sexy. Check out Babeland online or at their stores in Seattle or New York.

Toybox: Slippery stuff

My cunt is a sensitive creature, apparently. I realized a few years ago that the reason sex with condoms was often uncomfortable for me was because I was allergic to something in them. I first thought it was the latex, but then realized that it was only SOME latex condoms to which I would have a negative reaction. So, like any enterprising, proud slut, I figured out which types of condoms DIDN'T cause a reaction. And only bought those.

Of course, those ended up being the more expensive and tough-to-find styles, and meant that I ALWAYS had to provide the condom in my encounters. Which can get annoying after a while. And really sucked if, after a particularly rough or lengthy sack session, a partner wasn't done and we wanted to switch condoms, but I didn't have any more.

Or in one particularly memorable instance, where I had two men who both wanted to fuck me... And only one condom to which I wasn't allergic. Weak sauce.

I had similar trouble finding lubes that didn't result in a similar allergic reaction... And yes, of course my first instinct was to go to the doctor and get checked out to make sure it wasn't an STI or anything of the like causing the discomfort. Nope. Clean. Just a fussy cunt. Thanks, body.

So I had just resolved myself to always having to be well-stocked on my upper-echelon condoms. And if I wasn't? Or if a condom or myself needed more lube? Well, that was just too damn bad, wasn't it?

And then came Slippery Stuff. I added it to my Wish List at VibeReview because other reviewers had said it was essentially hypo-allergenic. I figured it couldn't hurt to try a tester, right?

The lovely folks at VibeReview sent me a 4 oz. bottle in my super-sexy package along with several other products. In a habit I picked up from countless trips to the sex store and discussions with Essin 'Em, the first thing I did was put some of the lube on the back of my hand, and taste it.



Slippery Stuff claims to be odorless and tasteless, and while the odorless part isn't quite true (it kind of smells like kid's bubble solution, actually), it really doesn't have much of a taste. Well, it tastes like nothing, is what I mean. I wouldn't drink it with a straw, but it's just a sort of non-flavor. No gross saccharine flavors masking too much glycerin. In fact, Slippery Stuff is totally glycerin-free. And water-based. Which means it's compatible with condoms. Which is awesome.

Because it's a water-based lube, it is a little runny. Be prepared to pour it like water, because it will get all over the place. But that's OK in my book. There are times when adding a little extra mess isn't the worst thing in the world. Slippery Stuff doesn't dry sticky, although it does have a WEIRD stringy property. With a few drops on the back of my hand, each time I tapped a finger into it, I got several strings connecting the finger to my hand. Kind of like when you used to get those obnoxious strings of hot-glue off an otherwise perfectly round blob of glue. (No, I wasn't neurotic as a kid, why do you ask? Why, WHY, dammit?) Even so, it didn't leave my hand (or anywhere else on my body) particularly sticky. Which is much appreciated.

As for its actual lubrication qualities... Well, I should point out that I don't usually need or use lube when I'm alone. I suppose it's my cunt's way of making up to me the allergy - I don't usually need extra lubrication. But in the past, the condoms and lubes I have been allergic to have actually sapped away my natural moisture, leaving me physically uncomfortable... Which is just some sort of cruel joke.

Slippery Stuff didn't do anything of the sort. In fact, I did actually feel wetter, and the lube itself stayed moist much longer when I was actually using it than it did playing with it on my hand. It was silky and smooth and wet and lovely. The only complaint I have is that it made my glass dildo almost too slippery. There are worse things.

I would absolutely recommend this lube for anyone else who's had trouble with lubrication or finding products they aren't allergic to. I was particularly on the look-out for any kind of adverse reaction, and I had none at all. For that alone (even without the other great attributes), I give Slippery Stuff...

5 out of 5 stars

If you'd like your own bottle, or to read more reviews of Slippery Stuff, click here. If you just feel like exploring VibeReview (which I also highly recommend), check them out!

Toybox: The Magnificent Vibrating Glove

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