I need your help!

My dear readers,

I have a favor to ask you. I've written a few times about my new boy. Things are going really well. He treats me well, the sex is fantastic, and most importantly, I really, really like who I am when I'm with him. I'm proud to introduce him to my friends, I love going out on real dates with him, just like I love staying home with him.

So, as I mentioned, the sex is awesome. He's interested in poly relationships (we're still expressly non-monogamous, though neither of us is sleeping with anyone else), and he's finding that he's kinkier than he thought he was. (All it takes is a good, kinky girl to bring it out, hehehe.) Generally, he tops me, because he's bigger and the man and I'm a sub.

But he's asked me if I'll try domming him. Usually I would say no, not my thing, but I really trust him and I actually feel comfortable trying new things with him. He's already changed my mind on a few things I didn't think I enjoyed, so why not keep it going, right?

And here's where I need your help, my dear, sweet, kinky readers.

I need advice on domming my boy. I'm generally not a top, so I don't have much experience, but I am willing to give it a try. Are there any tips for getting into a Dom mindset, the same way you can get into sub-space? I think being able to check my inhibitions will be crucial, because I'm always worried that I'll look stupid. (Hence my not talking during sex for fear of sounding like a bad porno.) He and I will obviously have the discussion before-hand about safew0rds, hard limits, etc., and I know what kind of sensation he prefers (he's stingy, I'm thuddy).

So. How do I get in the right state of mind to top my boy? It's a gender role reversal (for the bedroom, at least. Our actual relationship generally does buck gender stereotypes), as well as a reversal of the usual sexual hierarchy we have. Also, he's larger than I am - taller, heavier and stronger - so how do I work around that?

I need your help, dear readers! And in return, I promise to give you super-hot details after the fact. Maybe even pictures. We'll see how he feels about that. Then again, I can be pretty persuasive...

so many things...

There is such an incredible volume of things to write about, that I can't possibly decide where to begin.

OK. That's a lie. The practical first.

I have a new computer! I am writing this entry (and all future ones, thank you very much), on my shiny new macbook. I've already switched all my documents (and more importantly, my MUSIC) to this computer, and set up my home pages, and emails and sex-toy site bookmarks. Along with my computer came a beautiful new printer that has a card reader which should work with my old camera... But even if it doesn't, I also recently acquired a Blackberry, which has quite the decent camera. Oh, and, yknow, there's the webcam and photo editing software that come standard on my Mac. There are already HNT photos scheduled.

And as I mentioned, I'm going to start reviewing sex toys for a few companies... as soon as they get to my door. I've already talked to a few partners who are eager to test them out with me. Which is really exciting.

Speaking of partners, there are two new ones. Who, if I can write this without jinxing myself, I think are going to be important. In fact, check back tomorrow for an introduction to The Scientist.

And this weekend was one of the best I've had. It rivals my Spring Break/Birthday week in terms of sexiness and happiness and beauty. Yeah. Be prepared for several entries about all of this.

Which are set to begin posting...tomorrow.

I'm sorry. I'm admittedly a little bit of a tease. But you know you love it.

I will, however, leave you, dear readers, with a surprisingly non-hypothetical question: How many different people have to independently call you a sex goddess before believing it is NOT conceited?

Getting Settled.

Well, things are calming down. I am still without my own computer, but I've moved in with a good friend for the next few weeks until my roommate gets back and we can get our own place. It's amazing what just getting out of my mother's house has done for my mood. I'm living with my friend, her partner, and their adorable toddler. They are laid-back and fabulous, and I love playing with their daughter. And the fact that peek-a-boo is endlessly entertaining to her.

I'm still in limbo when it comes to my career, although I am freelancing, and STILL negotiating my way into a web-editor-ship. I hope. The meetings keep getting rescheduled, which is frustrating, but I'm not willing to give up hope. I am starting to look more seriously at other options, though, although this position is my first choice, so I'm hesitant to let it go.

Holy run-on sentence, Batman!

Anyway. Yes, things are falling into place. Also, thanks to the lovely Essin' Em's help, I'm going to start reviewing for a few companies. So, expect those in the coming weeks. Who knows, maybe I'll even get some of my partners to play with these new toys with me.

And there are new posts in the works, too. I know it's been a while since I've written any smut. I'll be fixing that. There are things I want to explore here, so those are forthcoming. I promise. Thank you to those of you still reading, things are looking up.

The pitch.

Well, it's that time of year. The academic year is coming to a close. It's something I've gone through, what, 16 times before? But this time it's different. This time, I'm not coming back. That's right, I'm graduating college.

And what comes along with that (other than parties and tears and more parties)? Stress. Primarily about finding a job. As everyone I've spoken to affirms, I know networking is key any time you're looking for a job, but it's even more crucial in this crazy economy. So, I'm networking. With all of you.

I would love to find a job working for a sexuality-related company, writing, editing, blogging, reviewing, doing outreach, managing... I've got a pretty strong skill-set. Of course, I can't get especially in-depth here, but I do have a shiny resume and elevator speech available to someone interested.

So, here are the facts:

I'm a graduate of one of the top journalism schools in the country, graduating magna cum laude with a B.S. in magazine journalism and a minor in LGBT studies.

I have experience writing, editing, and managing staff for magazines, newspapers and web sites. I have managed award-winning editorial teams and as such am familiar with the entire editorial process - from concept to publlication. My minor in LGBT studies gives me a strong background in sexuality and gender theory, and I'm always eager to learn more.

I have a variety of multimedia skills, including fluency in varous blogging software (Wordpress, Blogger and a Drupal-based CMS), as well as audio and video editing skills (Audacity and Final Cut Express), and am well-versed in other multimedia and design software, including Adobe CS3 (Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign) and Soundslides. I have examples of my work in these multimedia fields that I would be happy to share.

I'm fluent in Spanish. I am well-versed in AP style, as well as more academic styles of writing (including APA, MLA, CMS). I work well under pressure and on short deadlines.

I'm looking for a job that will be fast-paced enough to keep me busy and challenge me, where I can apply a dynamic combination of my multimedia and traditional skills. Ideally, I'd love such a position in the sexuality-related sphere, but I am open to new challenges as well. My physical location will be in Colorado, but I am quite comfortable commuting or freelancing from the Web.

Please contact me at sashasappho@gmail.com if you (or someone you know) are interested in seeing a resume and communicating further.

I can has banner?

So. Here I am, at 1:30 am, my roommate is sleeping restlessly about five feet away from me, and I'm not the littlest bit tired. So, in addition to sending rapid-fire emails back with a fellow blogger, I've updated my blogroll, written my O lessthanthree your blog post, and have been contemplating my next post. I'm thinking it'll be about hypocrisy. Regarding relationships and sexuality, specifically. Shocking, I know. But it's been getting to me lately. I'm trying to give it a day so that it isn't just an angry rant directed primarily at my roommate. Somehow, I'm upon midterms again (what genius decided to give TWO midterms AND a final in this program? NOT. COOL.), and am up against a deadline for the magazine here, so I'm a little bit extra-high stressed. So what am I doing? Messing around on blogger.

Anyway, in updating my blogroll and just generally stalking all of you awesome, awesome bloggers, I noticed the particular presence of sweet banners. I started writing this blog as basically an extension of my sex column, but it's become so much more important to me, that I'd like the layout to reflect that, at least to some degree.

And I've been having some shitty body-confidence issues as of late, in no small part due to some unknown bugs that feasted on my body a few nights back, making me feel all... yucky and covered in red spots. So (in addition to more hydrocortisone than any person should ever use) this is what I've decided to do. I'd love to make a banner with some lovely photo of my body as the background for my blog title. Think something along the lines of Jake and Marianne.

Here's the catch... I don't have any kind of photo-editing software on my computer or here in Spain. Also, as a writer and less of a designer, I'm not overly savvy in said programs. (Proficient, sure, but that's about it.) So since you all have been so wonderful, I'm asking for your help. I need a new banner. I'm open to it saying/having just about anything on it... You all read me, you know what I like.

While I don't have cool sex toys to give away like Essin' Em does (dammit), I can offer you my undying appreciation, shameless linkage here on my blog... oh, and pictures. I mean, you gotta have something to work with, right? Just like HNT, they won't exactly give me away, but past and future (and some unpublished) HNT photos are all full-game. Maybe even taking requests?

So all this boils down to: Do you like reading my blog? Do you know how to work some kind of photoediting software? Do you have too much time on your hands? And do you want to see more of me?

Then comment here or send me an email at sashasappho at gmail dot com and let's get this thing going.

Besos y suenos dulces.

A challenge!

So last night my roommate and I had a traditional girly-night. We stayed up entirely too late, talking about boys and sex and love and life and giggling entirely too loudly. It was a lot of fun. I had, admittedly, had a margarita or two, which made the conversation regarding sex that much more interesting and easy-flowing (as if it's difficult for me to talk about sober. Ha!). But as we started talking, she confided in me that she's never had an orgasm. By her own or with a partner. I tried to restrict my ohmygodyoupoordeprivedthing reaction, and think I did a reasonable job. I asked her if she thought there was a reason, and she said she thinks it's mostly mental, and there are some things in her past that she recognizes are mental blocks. I told her I hope that one day she finds someone who she trusts enough and is comfortable enough with to be able to let go and share that feeling that comes from such an incredible release. I thought I was doing pretty well, hoping my sex-positiveness would rub off on her. (Earlier, she'd discussed how she doesn't masturbate because she thinks it's gross, and consequently doesn't want her partners going down on her or really, anywhere near her clit. I validated that, even as I was a little shocked and trying to process what a sex life like that would look like.)

And then she asked me what an orgasm felt like. She said all her friends had told her "oh, it's the best feeling in the world, blahblahblah." But she wanted to know, physically, what it felt like. I told her it's different for everyone, and the best I could do was offer what it felt like for me. She said she'd like to know.

And then I stumbled. I fell short of being able to describe what an orgasm feels like, without going into flowery metaphors and abstract similes or hyperbole. I started off all right, but eventually, I just got lost.

So, fellow bloggers, who absolutely write better about sex than I do, I'm asking for your help. How would you describe your orgasm? Physically, and as free of flowery abstraction as possible. (Although, I know for me it's largely mental and emotional as well, so there's no strict bar on the use of literary devices.) I'd love to figure out how to capture that emotional connection and release with the physical sensation. Not a medicalized description, because I know what that is. I know which muscles contract, I know which chemicals are released in the brain. That doesn't help my roomie know how it feels.

So, how would you describe an orgasm to someone who's never had one?

Feel free to comment here or make it a post. Perhaps I'll show the responses to my roomie and see if she gets a better idea than I could offer her from your inevitably-better-suited words. Thank you in advance!

Support is an excellent thing

It's funny how much solace you can take from a little screen and people whose faces you've never seen.

But I owe you all a massive THANK YOU. All the comments on my last entry helped me put the whole situation in perspective, and now whenever I think about it, I laugh. In addition to those who commented, I want to thank those few who I know in person (and who I know read this) and got in touch with me through other avenues. I know this wasn't a major crisis, but I've been so sorely lacking in my regular support systems (a side effect of moving across the world... who would have guessed?) lately that your words all really meant something to me. So thank you to everyone who wrote and offered advice and told me that it wasn't my fault. Like I said, I'm able to laugh at the ridiculousness of the whole situation now.

And a side-note about how much more ridiculous this story got: The crazy lady (ex or not, I still don't really know) sent the girl I'm "in a relationship" with on Facebook a message. Telling her that I'd broken [crazy lady's] heart and that she wanted to tell [my girl] what kind of a person I was just so she wouldn't get hurt, too. Of course, my girl - who is one of my best friends, and who I'm NOT involved with at all - thought it was hilarious, and forwarded the message to me, asking if I wanted her to reply. We contemplated the idea of replying and saying that oh, sure, my "girlfriend" knew all about it, in fact, she was there, too! And then we thought better of even giving them the time of day. But it was still good for a giggle. Seriously, where do I FIND these people? eep.

And I promise the dramatic posts will cease, at least until the next mini-crisis. I have an HNT post in the works, so check back tomorrow for that.

And now, off to a commenting spree. Yay, spreeeee!

i can has answers?

Guilt: I usually try to avoid it, and I usually do a pretty good job. But now it's gotten a little bit trickier.

So, you all remember David, yeah? The walk-of-shame, yet enjoyable one night stand. Who then facebooked me a few days later. And his status said married. And I chalked it up to whatever - he'd mentioned that he had a daughter, but told me that he and the mother weren't together anymore, that's fine, I'm not going to ask for legal proof. The message he sent was very simple, and I sent back an equally simple (and innocent, might I add) message saying "wow. Hi! How are you? I'm assuming you made it back to England in one piece?" I figured maybe a little facebook messaging back and forth and that would be the long and short of it.

Instead, today when I checked my messages, there was a message from his wife. Or the woman who's listed as such on his status. And it said "I just wanted to thank you for ruining a nice family of five."

I've tried telling myself that it's not my fault, and that this could easily be his buddies fucking with me, or just his jealous ex (or current) girlfriend/wife/whatever. I don't actually, logically, think I have anything to feel guilty for. He was absolutely leading the charge, and while sure, to be cliche, it takes two to tango, I know I didn't really have any responsibility to this other woman, seeing as how I'm not the one in a relationship (past or present) with her.

But here's the catch. I actually do feel guilty. This is all probably not helped by the fact that I have some wicked respiratory infection right now and consequently feel like shit physically, too. But this is giving me that sick, knotted feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like when I know I've done something wrong but don't want to admit it.

So, my dear readers: Did I do something wrong? Or am I correct in thinking that my culpability in this situation is relatively low? (Presuming, of course, that this isn't just his buddies fucking with me.) I'd love to hear your thoughts. What's the verdict: miscommunication or homewrecking whore?

*sigh* I need a hug. And I kind of want to go home.