I apologize for my absence of late. I've been busy making up missed midterms, trying not to discount people before I even give them a chance, stressing over the rest of my life, visiting Ireland, then debating whether to ever come back. Somewhere in there, sex kind of fell by the wayside.
Sex in every context, really. I haven't been doing much thinking about sexuality lately... I haven't been to my sexuality class in two weeks as I missed one while I was in Ireland (it's a once-weekly, three-hour long class). And Crush has been hot and cold, and I don't know what to make of it. Sometimes I think I simply overanalyze every interaction he and I have (which is very much like me) and sometimes I think he's just as shy as I am, because I catch him stealing glances at me and making silly excuses to talk to me. Which makes me feel a little less silly for doing the same, but doesn't help me in deciphering what the hell I should do about it. I know how to seduce people, for the most part. I know how to take friends to the FwB level. But starting this all blind, with someone new? I'm lost. And my self-confidence issues won't let me believe that maybe he is interested.
Even so, I don't know what I'd want out of it. I've already written that I don't think I'll be having sex before I leave Spain, because I don't think the one-night stand is what I need right now. Granted, someone to cuddle with, and be obnoxiously adorable on the Metro with, and to make sure I got home at night would be wonderful, but I don't even know if that's an option. Do people even do that anymore? Have my standards just deteriorated to the point that I don't bother considering things like that, let alone requesting or expecting them? Does that make me.... I don't know. Something? Anything? Nothing?
And to top off the non-sex, I haven't even been horny lately. I usually operate at a somewhat elevated level, arousal-wise. (Somehow, talking and writing and thinking about sex all the time will do that to a person. Who knew?) That hasn't been the case as of late. I haven't even wanted any me-time. I don't know what's going on with me. I feel like my body is acting separate from my head. And I don't like it.
In unrelated news, I spent five days in Ireland last week. It was, without question, one of the most incredible experiences of my life. I hope to write another post about it soon... But I did get myself a new peacoat. From a store called Sasha. No joke. And this coat replaced the since-discarded heavy black wool coat from Ex. This is the exact opposite. I'm thinking it will be the subject of a future HNT post. I also found the rest of my next tattoo in Ireland. That sounds strange, I know, but when I get inked back home, I'm sure that will be an HNT picture, as well.
Travel-wise, I've also just booked a flight to Denmark. I'm excited about it, as it will be my first time back to my native homeland (well, my father's - Far's - native homeland) since I was four years old. It should be a good trip, although likely really damn cold, as I'm going in mid-November. *shiver.* My Danish relatives are taking me to Tivoli (which I have numerous ties to anyway), and around Copenhagen... my cousin has an old 1940's truck that apparently is a popular thing to rent out for high school graduations and drive around the city, and they promised to tour the city with me in that. If anyone else has been slash lives in Denmark and has suggestions... I'll be there for four or five days, so there is plenty of time to check things out... and I'd love the suggestions!
I suppose that's all I have for now. Today was a hard day. I have those a lot. Granted, there are also days where everything is glorious and perfect. It seems to be one extreme or the other these days.
Besos,
