So, this weekend was Thunder in the Mountains, a kink conference in my dear-old hometown. Essin Em had told me about it a few months ago, mentioning that she was going, and asking if I wanted to go as well, since she knew I'm into the BDSM thing. (Or, at least, I'm getting in to it.) After some negotiation - a key term for the weekend - I managed to get registered, and Em offered to let me stay with her in the hotel room her company was paying for. The convention hotel was about 45 minutes from either of our houses, so it was definitely great to have the room for a night.
The conference is composed of a few essential elements: There are classes by nationally-known presenters on various aspects of kink - I took classes on trust in SM relationships, playing with strangers, how to top when you're a bottom, brutal affection, and beginner's rope bondage. Nothing too terribly intense, but overall each class was enjoyable and highly informative. I had the pleasure of taking classes from the stunning and hilarious Midori, the hottest-woman-I've-seen-in-basically-forever Rita Seagrave, and a series of other fabulous presenters who were funny, compassionate, and knowledgeable.
There was also a vendor fair, chock-full of your kinkier-than-normal sex toys. While I wasn't interested in everything they had to offer, I was unable to resist a few purchases. Perhaps photos of those will go up soon as HNT photos. We'll see. :)
And then there were the play parties. Slash dungeon space. Which sounds way more intimidating than it really was. At least in my head (and this being my first public BDSM experience), a dungeon is this dark, dank place with elaborate torture devices (which may not be a bad thing!) and poor lighting. In actuality, it was a relatively well-lit - almost too well-lit in my opinion - conference room full of scaffolding, tables, benches, and, yes, some crosses to chain people to. There was music playing, which Em and I both agreed didn't quite fit the mood. Although it did serve as decent background music, but to be fair, I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention to the music.
At the parties (there were two - one on Friday night, another on Saturday), I got to see some things I'd never seen in person. There was fire-play, which was fascinating to watch, blood-play, which I don't think I could ever do but was still morbidly fascinating, pony-play, which I don't get but totally validate those who enjoy it, and of course, the more standard beatings and tyings-up that accompany BDSM culture. Being so new to the scene, and certainly to the convention - I'm the youngest age they allow in the conference for legal reasons - I looked at the whole thing a little wide-eyed. I was infinitely glad to have Em there, who has been to kink parties before and at least knew what to expect. Not to mention, she's so much more outgoing than I am... I was happy to fall a few steps behind her and let her do most of the talking. I also knew I could ask her any question and she wouldn't look at me like I was stupid for not knowing it.
On a side-note here: Because we spent the weekend basically attached at the hip, people generally assumed we were a couple. While we aren't romantically involved, it was so utterly fabulous not to be automatically considered straight. And while there was one older gentleman who didn't quite understand that we weren't interested in him, everyone else was generally respectful of our assumed identity. Which was just generally a really pleasant experience. Now, back to the play parties.
So, the first day, Em bought a fabulous new flogger, which, of course, she needed to break in. I was happy to volunteer. So, we found an available cross (is that right, Em? Is that what they're called?... it's not like the religious cross, but like a 6-foot-tall wooden X) and tied my hands to the top. I kept on my super-hot 4" patent heels, and not much else. I think my lace underwear stayed on for a few minutes, but soon they, too, were in a pile on the floor. Amazing how my clothes have a tendency to do that. Anyways... After some adjustments to my cuffs since they were cutting off circulation, the beating resumed. The flogger felt lovely - just enough sting as it graced my back and ass. The leather was soft enough not to make me scream, but the force hard enough to make me squirm a little. And then she broke out the broom.
Not an actual broom, mind you, but the EVIL plastic kind. With something like five tiny...bristles?... anyways, that hurt like a fucking BITCH when swung across your ass. I might have gotten in trouble for almost buckling my legs with that one. And it definitely elicited more than a few yelps from me. So, lesson number one in my fabulous weekend of kink: I don't like the sting! I'm all about the thud. Also, apparently at this point, we had an audience, although I was unaware. I was unaware of pretty much everything except what was happening to my body. I should also point out here that Em was a very attentive dom, and repeatedly made sure I was OK, that I knew my safewords, and would run her hands and kisses down my skin after she'd beaten me. (Still doesn't mean I don't have a few marks, hehehe). After the flogging scene, we moved into the women's-only space, where we continued to play with various toys, both the painful and the pleasurable. I'm not exceptionally comfortable going into details here, but I will tell you why.
Our scene ended not when I safeworded (I didn't), but when I was close to coming, and started sobbing. Uncontrollably. Big, wet tears. That I couldn't stop for several minutes. Em wasn't hurting me any more than I wanted her to - in fact, what she was doing felt really good. At the same time, the feeling was really intense, and something more than I've felt, physically, in a while. I was imposing a lot of pressure on myself, and there was a good deal of physical pressure on my body. I think more than anything, it WAS a form of release. And it's entirely possible that I needed a good cry more than I needed an orgasm. Actually, I think that is probably what was going on. So, Em, please don't think you did anything wrong. You didn't. You were wonderful, and I just wasn't in the right headspace. (And, you may be right that maybe I shouldn't play in this context with women.) I think I have a harder time taking a beating from a woman, because I never have. I've taken beatings from men, so it's easier to accept. How fucked up is that?
OK, I know this post is getting really crazy long... so we'll make the second night a new post. Huzzah.
Showing posts with label exhibitionism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label exhibitionism. Show all posts
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
nudity.ness.
So, last night was the fateful evening when Essin' Em and I finally got to hang out. We had a really great time. Of course, most of what we talked about was sex. (Shocking, I know.) After perhaps the most thorough sex-store outing I've yet had the pleasure of experiencing, we ended up at our mutual friend's house. (Yes, the boy I'm... whatever...ing.) Who, also, as we learned last night, reads Em's blog regularly, so, if and when he figures out that this is me - welcome! *waves*
Anyways, so we ended up at his house, since he was a mutual friend, and, more aptly, because he had a hot tub and I'm persuasive enough to convince him to let us come over and usurp it. After a few more phone calls (clearly, we weren't coming fast enough... *snicker*), we made our way over to his house, where we were also introduced to a friend of his who's staying with him. The friend seemed nice enough, but the boy (who needs a nickname... any suggestions? Can't use his initial cause it's too common in my life) and Em wasted no time in catching up, and I in inserting myself in their relationship dynamic. Which maybe, really, should have been more difficult.
But we had come for the hot tub, so that's where we headed after a drink (or, in my case, a mouthful and a half of Absynthe). Em and I hadn't brought swimsuits - yes, even though it had been our idea to go hot tubbing - and so we stripped to underwear and bras, and I cursed myself for not wearing cuter underwear. Before we'd sunk into the hot tub, Em pointed out that she was wearing a relatively nice bra that matched an outfit, and she didn't want to get it all chlorine-y. And I wasn't about to let my girl go solo, so I joined her in the toplessness. We didn't hear any complaints. We had several discussions about whose breasts were bigger - hers are by a little bit, but mine are...what did we decide, Em? Perkier? - and how amusing it was that tits float. Which, incidentally, makes them look kind of cool.
Within this new group dynamic we were forging, I emerged as (ready for the shocker, here?) the submissive. Which basically means I got ogled and fondled and complimented a lot and hit a few times. All consensually, of course - legit, with express verbal permission. It was a strange sensation, though, to be the object of attraction for these two people, both of whom I like and respect, and both of whom I think of as more confident than me sexually, and to have them sit across the hot tub from me and tell me I have near-perfect breasts. I think I got, for a moment, what it must feel like to be just one of those stunningly gorgeous people, who everyone in the world thinks is beautiful. I'm not throwing a pity party here in the least, but it was most definitely a new sensation for me to feel quite so sexy and wanted and valuable all at the same time. Yes, every once in a while I get the "hey, you're hot" comments from friends or random people, but this was like I was entirely under their gaze and couldn't move if I wanted to. We eventually moved downstairs to the sauna - yes, we were Zaunaing - where Em and boy sat on the upper bench while I stretched out (still naked, as all of us were) on the lower bench with my feet up next to boy. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath of the hot air, and as I opened my eyes, Em and boy were both staring at me, something almost like hunger in their eyes. Em looked me up and down and once more and said something to the effect of:
"I hope you don't mind, I'm totally objectifying all of you right now. Damn."
And boy smiled and rubbed his hand over my leg and just said "Yeah."
Thank god the sauna was warm and had flushed my skin already, although I'm sure color still rose to my cheeks regardless. There is something about these two, specifically, that makes me feel really comfortable with my body and myself and my life when I'm around them. And yes, of course the copious amounts of compliments obviously help, but even earlier, I was the first one to get completely naked, which is SO not my style.
Because I can be as sex-positive and kinky and queer as I want but the truth remains that I have some pretty substantial body issues. There are, without question, more parts of my body that I don't like than parts I do. Just for reference, the parts I like: my nose, my eyes when they're green, my tits, my calves, and my tattoos. Everything else, I would change if I could. And I know that's a very negative image to have, but I'm working on being more realistic and accepting of my body... it just takes some time. I've struggled with eating disorders and body image for a long time now. But nights like last night certainly help. Immensely. More than I can put into words.
So thank you to Em, and thank you to boy, for helping me feel a little better about myself, and like maybe I was worth some adoration. I don't know what I'd do without you guys.
Anyways, so we ended up at his house, since he was a mutual friend, and, more aptly, because he had a hot tub and I'm persuasive enough to convince him to let us come over and usurp it. After a few more phone calls (clearly, we weren't coming fast enough... *snicker*), we made our way over to his house, where we were also introduced to a friend of his who's staying with him. The friend seemed nice enough, but the boy (who needs a nickname... any suggestions? Can't use his initial cause it's too common in my life) and Em wasted no time in catching up, and I in inserting myself in their relationship dynamic. Which maybe, really, should have been more difficult.
But we had come for the hot tub, so that's where we headed after a drink (or, in my case, a mouthful and a half of Absynthe). Em and I hadn't brought swimsuits - yes, even though it had been our idea to go hot tubbing - and so we stripped to underwear and bras, and I cursed myself for not wearing cuter underwear. Before we'd sunk into the hot tub, Em pointed out that she was wearing a relatively nice bra that matched an outfit, and she didn't want to get it all chlorine-y. And I wasn't about to let my girl go solo, so I joined her in the toplessness. We didn't hear any complaints. We had several discussions about whose breasts were bigger - hers are by a little bit, but mine are...what did we decide, Em? Perkier? - and how amusing it was that tits float. Which, incidentally, makes them look kind of cool.
Within this new group dynamic we were forging, I emerged as (ready for the shocker, here?) the submissive. Which basically means I got ogled and fondled and complimented a lot and hit a few times. All consensually, of course - legit, with express verbal permission. It was a strange sensation, though, to be the object of attraction for these two people, both of whom I like and respect, and both of whom I think of as more confident than me sexually, and to have them sit across the hot tub from me and tell me I have near-perfect breasts. I think I got, for a moment, what it must feel like to be just one of those stunningly gorgeous people, who everyone in the world thinks is beautiful. I'm not throwing a pity party here in the least, but it was most definitely a new sensation for me to feel quite so sexy and wanted and valuable all at the same time. Yes, every once in a while I get the "hey, you're hot" comments from friends or random people, but this was like I was entirely under their gaze and couldn't move if I wanted to. We eventually moved downstairs to the sauna - yes, we were Zaunaing - where Em and boy sat on the upper bench while I stretched out (still naked, as all of us were) on the lower bench with my feet up next to boy. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath of the hot air, and as I opened my eyes, Em and boy were both staring at me, something almost like hunger in their eyes. Em looked me up and down and once more and said something to the effect of:
"I hope you don't mind, I'm totally objectifying all of you right now. Damn."
And boy smiled and rubbed his hand over my leg and just said "Yeah."
Thank god the sauna was warm and had flushed my skin already, although I'm sure color still rose to my cheeks regardless. There is something about these two, specifically, that makes me feel really comfortable with my body and myself and my life when I'm around them. And yes, of course the copious amounts of compliments obviously help, but even earlier, I was the first one to get completely naked, which is SO not my style.
Because I can be as sex-positive and kinky and queer as I want but the truth remains that I have some pretty substantial body issues. There are, without question, more parts of my body that I don't like than parts I do. Just for reference, the parts I like: my nose, my eyes when they're green, my tits, my calves, and my tattoos. Everything else, I would change if I could. And I know that's a very negative image to have, but I'm working on being more realistic and accepting of my body... it just takes some time. I've struggled with eating disorders and body image for a long time now. But nights like last night certainly help. Immensely. More than I can put into words.
So thank you to Em, and thank you to boy, for helping me feel a little better about myself, and like maybe I was worth some adoration. I don't know what I'd do without you guys.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
The lowdown on the get down (Oct. 07)
This summer my girlfriend and I were hooking up when my parents unexpectedly walked into the room - everyone's worst nightmare, right? Well, here's the thing...it kind of turned me on. How can I take it further without subjecting my parents to any more peep shows?
Don't worry, there are many ways you can satisfy your exhibitionist tendencies without risking the embarrassment of your situation with your parents or the hassle of a public indecency ticket.
You could start by placing a mirror where you can see yourself in action. Watching yourself in a mirror can give you the sense that you're a third person sneaking a peek. You can also leave the blinds up when you and your girl are going at it. I might discourage this if you live on the ground floor, or if your window looks directly into your neighbor's kitchen - you don't want to be that close with the neighbors.
Ask your girlfriend if she might let you "accidentally" watch her undress. Even the most mundane things are more intriguing when we aren't supposed to see them. Why do you think celebrity tabloids are so successful? Speaking of celebrities, you could always go the route of countless A-listers and make your very own sex tape. Of course, you have to make completely sure everyone involved is OK with being recorded, and you might want to plan on taping over your video before heading home for the holidays. After all, mom and dad have seen enough already.
My boyfriend has this weird fetish. He says he can only have an orgasm if he's humping something - my breasts, a pillow, etc. The problem is that I'm not ready to have sex with him. What should I do?
You've actually already started to answer your own question, but I'll be happy to lend a few words of advice.
If your boyfriend can only get off by humping something - which may or may not really be the case - you could always let him do just that. If him rubbing himself between your breasts sounds like something you might enjoy, then give it a shot. If not, there are numerous other options including oral sex, mutual masturbation (don't let him forget that you want to have a good time, too), and dry humping. And never underestimate the value of a good sex toy to spice things up.
I might also suggest you avoid characterizing his fetish as "weird." I've heard much more bizarre stories and it tends to make people defensive when something as personal as their sex lives are criticized. In the end, it's up to you to experiment and find out what you're comfortable with. You might end up trying something you discover you enjoy. Then again, you might decide this is a deal breaker and you're ready to move on to the next, more vanilla guy, and leave this one to his pillows.
Don't worry, there are many ways you can satisfy your exhibitionist tendencies without risking the embarrassment of your situation with your parents or the hassle of a public indecency ticket.
You could start by placing a mirror where you can see yourself in action. Watching yourself in a mirror can give you the sense that you're a third person sneaking a peek. You can also leave the blinds up when you and your girl are going at it. I might discourage this if you live on the ground floor, or if your window looks directly into your neighbor's kitchen - you don't want to be that close with the neighbors.
Ask your girlfriend if she might let you "accidentally" watch her undress. Even the most mundane things are more intriguing when we aren't supposed to see them. Why do you think celebrity tabloids are so successful? Speaking of celebrities, you could always go the route of countless A-listers and make your very own sex tape. Of course, you have to make completely sure everyone involved is OK with being recorded, and you might want to plan on taping over your video before heading home for the holidays. After all, mom and dad have seen enough already.
My boyfriend has this weird fetish. He says he can only have an orgasm if he's humping something - my breasts, a pillow, etc. The problem is that I'm not ready to have sex with him. What should I do?
You've actually already started to answer your own question, but I'll be happy to lend a few words of advice.
If your boyfriend can only get off by humping something - which may or may not really be the case - you could always let him do just that. If him rubbing himself between your breasts sounds like something you might enjoy, then give it a shot. If not, there are numerous other options including oral sex, mutual masturbation (don't let him forget that you want to have a good time, too), and dry humping. And never underestimate the value of a good sex toy to spice things up.
I might also suggest you avoid characterizing his fetish as "weird." I've heard much more bizarre stories and it tends to make people defensive when something as personal as their sex lives are criticized. In the end, it's up to you to experiment and find out what you're comfortable with. You might end up trying something you discover you enjoy. Then again, you might decide this is a deal breaker and you're ready to move on to the next, more vanilla guy, and leave this one to his pillows.
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