Saturday, February 9, 2008

the mysterious disappearing orgasm

This is what I'm suffering from. Let me just say up front - it sucks.
I used to be one of those lucky girls who could have several orgasms in relatively quick succession... Certainly within any single romp. I never had much trouble getting off and while it sometimes it took a little effort, anytime I wanted to, I could have a few orgasms. And they were good. Often they were of the leg-quaking, breath-taking variety. Needless to say, I enjoyed them. And they were a regular occurrence, not only on my lonely nights at home, but when I was with a partner, as well.
Apparently, those are a thing of the past. I haven't had an orgasm that I didn't give myself since... September.
Now, to be fair, I didn't have any partners from September - December, but between December and January, when I was back home, I had no particular shortage of partners. Some of them I had been with previously, some of them I hadn't. They were all men, and I was attracted to all of them. There was random drunken-hookup (but still consensual) sex, best friend-with-benefits romantic new year's all-night-long sex, everything-but-sex sex, and old-flame-spontaneous-hookup sex. And somehow, amid all that sex (in a strikingly short time period, really), I never got off. That's not to say I didn't have a good time, because I certainly did.
And I'm not even an especially orgasm-centric sex person, but it seems weird that it never once happened. Especially because in the period previous, I hadn't had any trouble.
I was dating a boy, who, in the end, was entirely wrong for me. Borderline abuse and way-beyond-borderline alcoholic, we got in wicked fights that usually ended with both of us in tears, and often one of us sleeping on the couch. He was controlling, condescending, and just all around mean to me. I stayed with him as long as I did mostly because he was just THAT hard to get rid of, and the sex was pretty damn good. (Which is funny, because now when I look back on it, that was by no means the best sex I've had.) Anyways... the point is, I had no trouble getting off with this total jackass who was nothing that I wanted other than a pretty pair of blue eyes and a nice set of abs. He could get me off, I could get in the mindset and get myself off... whatever I wanted, I could make happen.
Now, I'm sure the obvious answer would be that the other people weren't trying. That's just not true. I don't remember once feeling neglected in that area in the least, and more than once actually had to ask them to stop when I realized it just wasn't going to happen. They took direction well, I was excited about being with them, they were good at what they were doing... so what gives?
Where did my orgasm go? And before you ask, yes, I can still get myself there. It just doesn't happen with other people. I don't get it. I assume it must be psychological, but I can't figure out where it's coming from. I didn't feel any kind of shame or regret about hooking up with these men. Like I said, I enjoyed it. I don't think I'm defective - I can still get plenty turned on (I went to a drag queen/king show tonight... good lord, you should have seen some of the Kings there. hot DA-YM.).
So what the hell is going on? Any ideas would be endlessly appreciated. Cause it's frustrating.
I just wanna know where my orgasms went.
OK. I'm done whining for the moment.

P.S. I promise there will be a continuation to the story coming in the next week.

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