Sunday, February 24, 2008

"Are you ready to have your pussy rocked?"

Actually, no.
Thanks, but no thanks.
I appreciate the sentiment, but something about that phrase just turns me off. Let's see. Things you can rock:
A baby.
A concert.
A pair of jeans.
A mohawk.
My world.

But my pussy? Not so much.

This is the imagined conversation that took place when a man said this to me last night. He was a funny guy, and the spitting image of Jack Black. In fact, as we were leaving the party together, he asked if I remembered his name. I smiled nervously and said "...jack... black?" He chuckled. It was OK, though, because he didn't remember my name, either. Ah, college.
Anyways. After straightening out the name situation, we headed back to my place for conversation. And cuddling. Which quickly devolved into making out. Which was surprisingly pleasant. His kiss was soft, with just enough tongue and the tendency to nibble on my bottom lip and pull me closer to him. I could have spent the rest of the night like that, but he obviously had other plans. Which was OK with me.
Until he busted out that line. I had made it clear to him from the beginning that even if he spent the night in my bed, we wouldn't be having sex. (By which I mean intercourse; I just hate that word because it's so...uncomfortable and staunch.) So when he tells me he wants to rock my pussy, he's slipping his hands in my underwear. I give him the benefit of the doubt. He's a good kisser, maybe other skills will line up accordingly, cheesy sayings notwithstanding.
Or not.
Is there some school where someone tells straight boys that all women love having fingers repeatedly jabbed in their cunt?
Sure, sometimes it's great to be rough and aggressive, and I'll be the first to say so. But when you're just starting out, boys, dear god, please work me up to it. Rubbing, stroking, licking, sucking... All of these are excellent ways to make sure that when you do put your fingers inside me, I'm whimpering from pleasure and not pain.
However, under no circumstances do I ever want you to shove three fingers inside me without warning. You'd be pretty pissed if I furiously started jerking your dick with dry hands, rings and all. Yeah. Not a pleasant feeling. So spare me.
I by no means intend to imply that all men do this. But I now have this very vivid correlation between being "rocked" and a terribly uncomfortable feeling, where when I whimper and say "too hard" and grab your arm, ready to show you what would work better, you get miffed and give up all together. Weak sauce.


oh! (don't) rock me Amadeus!

2 comments:

Nathan said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! thats great, but seriously no thats just fucked up. i have to totlay agree with you that people need to take their time and stop beeing in such a hurry. expecaily for something thats suposed to be so good. But to be hunest if some one would have used that kind of line on me it wouldn't have gotten that far. Sorry hun hope you can find some one who knows what their doing.

Muffin

The Fury said...

yeah that sounds like the way to rock your pussy. by jabbing at you with multiple digits. LOL boys grow to men and eventually learn how to use those fingers effectively. i've learned great digital technique. i've even turned a few women into finger fetishists.

rock the pussy...definitely not the most eloquent way to initiate a session. LOL