kickin' it...third-grade style

I feel very silly. Every time you speak to me, my heart jumps and my mouth dries up, leaving me completely incapable of words. I remember entirely too much of what you've said to me in our few brief conversations. And it's so obvious to so many other people in the room, but I'm not sure you notice, because I don't know how you feel about me. You make me feel like I used to in third grade, when you have your first crush and you don't know whether to run away or run after them because you can't quite tell what these feelings you're having will do to you.
But god, do I know how I feel about you. You appear in my dreams and I wake up smiling, no matter what we were just doing in my head. In my imagination, we've already been together long enough that we're comfortable with each other and can sit together doing nothing, my legs stretched out over yours as you diligently read what we've been assigned and I read my magazine. And sitting like this, my apartment isn't so cold anymore, because you're there with me to make it so much more homey.
Then there are other nights where we're out on the town and you catch me looking at you over the top of my wine glass, and you smile at me with that grin you make such a habit of using. And I can't do anything but giggle and it's amazing how feminine you make me feel. I'll put the wine glass down and we'll go back to talking about society and how we're both going to take it on and change the world and I love how smart you are and how we fire ideas off of one another.
Of course then those nights end with you and I in my bed, wrapped up in each other, and me at your hips, your stomach, your chest, worshipping the curves not many people know you have. I see us together, walking hand in hand, lying side by side, kissing you as we fall asleep, me on your chest with my arm tightly around your waist, your fingers wrapped in my hair.
Then again, none of this ever happens, because I'm still too timid to ask you to join me for that glass of wine. You, in all your intelligence, and confidence, and everything I wish I could be. I feel like you know that I'm not there yet, not at your level, and you'd be right. I'm trying to get there, but I fear you will be long gone by the time I could keep up with you. So I will continue to smile when you look my way and hope we "accidentally" run into one another at events. Then maybe someday I'll find out if you even like girls like me. Because I sure as hell know that I like girls like you.