(un)Scripted Sexuality: Real pain.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Real pain.

Unlike anything I've ever felt before.

I just found out my cousin, 25, brilliant and beautiful and selfless and unique and every other superlative I could possibly think of, was murdered. While she was in New Orleans studying and volunteering. She was shot several times in the head.

There are no words.

I miss you, Kirsten.

7 comments:

Dangerous Lilly said...: Condolences and healing thoughts to you and your family, from a total stranger who recently started reading your blog.
I can't say much except that my heart goes out to you.; September 30, 2008 at 8:30 PM
Unknown said...: Hugs. Many many many many of them.

I have skype now too.; September 30, 2008 at 9:54 PM
Roland Hulme said...: Oh my God, I'm so sorry.; October 1, 2008 at 7:03 AM
Fat Controller said...: My heart goes out to you and your family: This is just so unimaginably awful. A numbing, senseless tragedy.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts.; October 1, 2008 at 12:44 PM
Amalthea said...: Oh.... Sasha. I'm speechless and there are tears in my eyes. In these moments words lose their power. What I will say... just because I wish so much that there was a comfort to offer - though time is likely the only comfort that will even work-... is that while I didn't know Kirsten, I am thankful for her time here. I am thankful that she touched lives, added beauty to the world, volunteered in New Orleans, and clearly meant much to her family. I will mourn her from afar and hurt for you that this ugliness has touched you and your family. Love and hugs and a shoulder to cry on. I'm always a keyboard and some clicks away if you need me.; October 1, 2008 at 8:04 PM
Anonymous said...: The senseless violence that occurs in this world is one of the few things that saddens me.

So very sorry this happened, and what a terrible loss.; October 1, 2008 at 9:00 PM
Anonymous said...: Oh, I am so very sorry. I can't imagine how you and your family must feel. My thoughts are with you.; October 2, 2008 at 7:52 AM

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Featuring...

A constantly changing cast of the people in my life who tend to appear in this blog.

The Optimist - A friend of several friends who I was introduced to in the beginning of summer 2009, with major consequences. He pretty effectively swept me off my feet, and continues to astound me regularly. I don't get to see him as often as I would like, but that makes the time we do spend together that much more enjoyable. Stay tuned. He does read this blog.

The Scientist - One of my oldest and most consistent friends. We met in high school and kept in regular contact through college. We've gone through so incredibly much that it's at once shocking and brilliant that we are still such good friends. Sometimes we sleep together, but mostly we just care very deeply for each other. He reads this blog.

Friend - I've known him since we were children, and as of the past few years, we've developed a particularly strong friendship (yes, sometimes there are benefits included). He's a fellow intellectual and non-monogamist, and we both tend to enjoy bouncing hypothetical relationship or sexual theories off one another. He's actually one of my most consistent partners, and there's a lot of love there. He does read this blog. (Never comments, though, you ass!)

The Pilot - A mutual friend of mine and Friend's from childhood. We've recently reconnected in the past year or so, and Friend and I spent my senior year spring break with him. He's an incredible friend, another fellow intellectual, and while a little newer to the non-monogamy thing, seems eager to make it work. He doesn't seem to mind my neuroses in talking to him on a daily basis. To quote him, he's weird... but in a totally awesome way. He reads this blog.

Edward - Spent a decade in my life before he removed himself by saying terrible, abusive and destructive things to me in the spring of 2009. He still tries to call me and contact me and has resorted to stalking me to try to get "answers" he feels I deprived him of. I do not speak to him or have any contact with him.

Bear - my best male friend at college. We're polar opposites in many ways, but that's part of why we're so good together. We joked about being friends with sexual tension for three years before we finally had sex. There was surprisingly little ensuing awkwardness. He now refers to me solely as "love." I love him dearly, and I don't know what I'd do without him. He also reads this blog.

Non-boyfriend - An old friend who I casually dated for a summer after my First Love. There were some complications, but overall the relationship was wonderful. He was kind, intelligent, we got along famously, and he's still rather dear to me. Things ended because I was leaving, but the split was certainly amicable. We are still on friendly terms and see one another, socially, regularly when we're both in town. Reads this blog. (Or at least he used to.)

P - Probably my closest friend since starting high school. We've dated, fallen in love with each other, and fought, and for a good long time I firmly believed he was my soulmate. I don't believe that anymore, but I do still care about him. He doesn't know about this blog, although I've contemplated telling him many times.

Jacob - We had an ongoing, on-again, off-again romance for several years. I have recently ended things because he needed me to be something I couldn't be. But I hold no ill feelings toward him and wish him well. He reads this blog.

Roomie - She and I met one summer after we both found the same house to live in on Craigslist. She's spunky, hilarious, adorable and brilliant. I love her. We're planning on moving in to our own place together sometime in the near future. I don't think she knows about this blog.

Essin' Em - We've known each other for well over 10 years, and she has in many ways been my inspiration. In being out and proud, in affirming queerness, in sex blogging, and in being yourself. I owe her much, and the least I can do is send some more traffic her way. Go check out her blog, you won't regret it. I promise. Obviously, she knows about this blog and my queerness and my kinkyness. We've played together once, and still maintain a strong friendship. Miss you, lady!

Kirsten - my second-oldest cousin, who is brilliant and inspiring and beautiful. She was murdered in New Orleans on Sept. 27, 2008. She was 25 and had accomplished more than most people hope to in a lifetime. I am still reeling. If you'd like more information about her, send me an email at sashasappho at gmail dot com and I will link you to her memorial page.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Real pain.

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