Friday, September 19, 2008

A challenge!

So last night my roommate and I had a traditional girly-night. We stayed up entirely too late, talking about boys and sex and love and life and giggling entirely too loudly. It was a lot of fun. I had, admittedly, had a margarita or two, which made the conversation regarding sex that much more interesting and easy-flowing (as if it's difficult for me to talk about sober. Ha!). But as we started talking, she confided in me that she's never had an orgasm. By her own or with a partner. I tried to restrict my ohmygodyoupoordeprivedthing reaction, and think I did a reasonable job. I asked her if she thought there was a reason, and she said she thinks it's mostly mental, and there are some things in her past that she recognizes are mental blocks. I told her I hope that one day she finds someone who she trusts enough and is comfortable enough with to be able to let go and share that feeling that comes from such an incredible release. I thought I was doing pretty well, hoping my sex-positiveness would rub off on her. (Earlier, she'd discussed how she doesn't masturbate because she thinks it's gross, and consequently doesn't want her partners going down on her or really, anywhere near her clit. I validated that, even as I was a little shocked and trying to process what a sex life like that would look like.)

And then she asked me what an orgasm felt like. She said all her friends had told her "oh, it's the best feeling in the world, blahblahblah." But she wanted to know, physically, what it felt like. I told her it's different for everyone, and the best I could do was offer what it felt like for me. She said she'd like to know.

And then I stumbled. I fell short of being able to describe what an orgasm feels like, without going into flowery metaphors and abstract similes or hyperbole. I started off all right, but eventually, I just got lost.

So, fellow bloggers, who absolutely write better about sex than I do, I'm asking for your help. How would you describe your orgasm? Physically, and as free of flowery abstraction as possible. (Although, I know for me it's largely mental and emotional as well, so there's no strict bar on the use of literary devices.) I'd love to figure out how to capture that emotional connection and release with the physical sensation. Not a medicalized description, because I know what that is. I know which muscles contract, I know which chemicals are released in the brain. That doesn't help my roomie know how it feels.

So, how would you describe an orgasm to someone who's never had one?

Feel free to comment here or make it a post. Perhaps I'll show the responses to my roomie and see if she gets a better idea than I could offer her from your inevitably-better-suited words. Thank you in advance!


Merlin said...

Perhaps a comment from a man would not be particularly useful, but for me orgasm occurs when I lose all control, my excitement morphing into delicious relaxation.

It follows that, to have an orgasm, you need to be completely comfortable with your partner(s) and yourself, and to completely let go of any rational thought. Once your friend surmounts her mental roadblocks, I hope she will be able to achieve this state.

Anonymous said...

I would say it is like the part of a roller coaster ride where you are going toward the top with the anticipation building then when it hits the plunge and rush of going over the top.

Amalthea said...

I've wracked my brain about this... and I have no idea how to answer it! Mine have a wide range, lol, so for me it could be all kinds of responses. All of them delicious. They help me sleep, they relax me, they make me happy. You can handle more pain and pressure and stress when you have them... and I use mine on a daily basis for coping and sleep induction, haha. Self love is one of my favorite kinds.

There is a really fantastic book she might enjoy called I <3 female orgasm. It's REALLY well-rounded. You could look up excerpts from it and it might be a good resource for her because a book is so non-threatening for someone who has had some rough experiences. For some it can be the unconscious idea of the momentary loss of control that puts them off orgasm entirely, especially if they've had adverse issues in their life concerning sexuality.