(un)Scripted Sexuality: My anthem.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

My anthem.

I don't generally post song lyrics, since in the past that has signaled the beginning of the end for my blogs, as they devolved into collections of song lyrics... But I'm not afraid of that happening here (at least anytime soon... I may have to take up blogging professionally if I don't start having some luck with finding a job), and I've been totally hooked on music lately, and although this isn't a new song, it IS basically my life. And my mantra. And I LOVE it.

So, here it is. My anthem. Misery Business by Paramore.

I'm in the business of misery,
Let's take it from the top.
She's got a body like an hourglass it's ticking like a clock.
It's a matter of time before we all run out,
When I thought he was mine she caught him by the mouth.

I waited eight long months,
She finally set him free.
I told him I can't lie he was the only one for me.
Two weeks and we caught on fire,
She's got it out for me,
But I wear the biggest smile.

Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, it was never my intention to break.
Just steal it all away from you now.
But God does it feel so good,
Cause I got him where I want him now.
And if you could then you know you would.
Cause God it just feels so,
It just feels so good.

Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change.
Once a whore you're nothing more, I'm sorry, that'll never change.
And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged.
I'm sorry honey, but I'm passin' up, now look this way.
Well there's a million other girls who do it just like you.
Looking as innocent as possible to get to who,
They want and what they like it's easy if you do it right.
Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!

Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, it was never my intention to break
Just steal it all away from you now.
But God does it feel so good,
Cause I got him where I want him right now.
And if you could then you know you would.
Cause God it just feels so,
It just feels so good.

I watched his wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving you
Just watch my wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving.

Whoa, I never meant to brag,
But I got him where I want him now.

Whoa, I never meant to break
But I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, it was never my intention to break
Just steal it all away from you now.
But God does it feel so good,
Cause I got what I wanted now
And if you could then you know you would.
Cause God it just feels so,
It just feels so good.

1 comment:

Amalthea said...: I adore this song, are jill's complete lack of surprise? :D

I like to play it at full volume, screaming along, while driving way too fast for my own safety.; March 31, 2009 at 9:11 PM

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Featuring...

A constantly changing cast of the people in my life who tend to appear in this blog.

The Optimist - A friend of several friends who I was introduced to in the beginning of summer 2009, with major consequences. He pretty effectively swept me off my feet, and continues to astound me regularly. I don't get to see him as often as I would like, but that makes the time we do spend together that much more enjoyable. Stay tuned. He does read this blog.

The Scientist - One of my oldest and most consistent friends. We met in high school and kept in regular contact through college. We've gone through so incredibly much that it's at once shocking and brilliant that we are still such good friends. Sometimes we sleep together, but mostly we just care very deeply for each other. He reads this blog.

Friend - I've known him since we were children, and as of the past few years, we've developed a particularly strong friendship (yes, sometimes there are benefits included). He's a fellow intellectual and non-monogamist, and we both tend to enjoy bouncing hypothetical relationship or sexual theories off one another. He's actually one of my most consistent partners, and there's a lot of love there. He does read this blog. (Never comments, though, you ass!)

The Pilot - A mutual friend of mine and Friend's from childhood. We've recently reconnected in the past year or so, and Friend and I spent my senior year spring break with him. He's an incredible friend, another fellow intellectual, and while a little newer to the non-monogamy thing, seems eager to make it work. He doesn't seem to mind my neuroses in talking to him on a daily basis. To quote him, he's weird... but in a totally awesome way. He reads this blog.

Edward - Spent a decade in my life before he removed himself by saying terrible, abusive and destructive things to me in the spring of 2009. He still tries to call me and contact me and has resorted to stalking me to try to get "answers" he feels I deprived him of. I do not speak to him or have any contact with him.

Bear - my best male friend at college. We're polar opposites in many ways, but that's part of why we're so good together. We joked about being friends with sexual tension for three years before we finally had sex. There was surprisingly little ensuing awkwardness. He now refers to me solely as "love." I love him dearly, and I don't know what I'd do without him. He also reads this blog.

Non-boyfriend - An old friend who I casually dated for a summer after my First Love. There were some complications, but overall the relationship was wonderful. He was kind, intelligent, we got along famously, and he's still rather dear to me. Things ended because I was leaving, but the split was certainly amicable. We are still on friendly terms and see one another, socially, regularly when we're both in town. Reads this blog. (Or at least he used to.)

P - Probably my closest friend since starting high school. We've dated, fallen in love with each other, and fought, and for a good long time I firmly believed he was my soulmate. I don't believe that anymore, but I do still care about him. He doesn't know about this blog, although I've contemplated telling him many times.

Jacob - We had an ongoing, on-again, off-again romance for several years. I have recently ended things because he needed me to be something I couldn't be. But I hold no ill feelings toward him and wish him well. He reads this blog.

Roomie - She and I met one summer after we both found the same house to live in on Craigslist. She's spunky, hilarious, adorable and brilliant. I love her. We're planning on moving in to our own place together sometime in the near future. I don't think she knows about this blog.

Essin' Em - We've known each other for well over 10 years, and she has in many ways been my inspiration. In being out and proud, in affirming queerness, in sex blogging, and in being yourself. I owe her much, and the least I can do is send some more traffic her way. Go check out her blog, you won't regret it. I promise. Obviously, she knows about this blog and my queerness and my kinkyness. We've played together once, and still maintain a strong friendship. Miss you, lady!

Kirsten - my second-oldest cousin, who is brilliant and inspiring and beautiful. She was murdered in New Orleans on Sept. 27, 2008. She was 25 and had accomplished more than most people hope to in a lifetime. I am still reeling. If you'd like more information about her, send me an email at sashasappho at gmail dot com and I will link you to her memorial page.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

My anthem.

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