Thursday, March 5, 2009

Femme in boy's clothing.

OK, perhaps not as perilous as a wolf in sheep's clothing, but I think there are some similarities.

I identify as a femme. I'm certainly feminine - I love getting dressed up, have a total weakness for high heels, and don't believe in shorts, opting instead for short skirts if the weather allows. My hair is waist-length now (!) when I take the time to straighten it. I live for my liquid eyeliner and mascara. I have pronounced curves that I play up at every chance I get. I generally keep my nails long (and natural), except when the situation or partner requires otherwise - I'm not inconsiderate, here! I can be quite emotional, and I'm prone to stereotypically feminine bouts of insanity and over-analysis.

Even so, I'm not a girly-girl. My voice isn't exceptionally high, I sing as an alto and even, rarely, as a tenor. I love working on cars. For all my high heels and skirts, I think I only own two items of pink clothing. I opt instead for black in almost everything I own. I don't handle spending time in large groups of women particularly well, and I wouldn't last ten seconds in a sorority. I have vastly more male friends than I do female friends... Although those women in my life are certainly worth having and I'm glad they're there. While I do have long hair, I'm generally comfortable throwing it back in a ponytail, unless I'm going out somewhere nice. I LOVE baseball, and get riled up about it. I grew up working on computers and playing video games, and still like to do so when I get the chance.

And, like today, I'm sometimes head-to-toe dressed in boy's clothing. I realized that today, as I was walking to work. Literally, down to my shoes and socks, everything I'm wearing was bought in the men's department. Well, with the exception of the sports bra. Although even that isn't particularly feminine. I often wear boy's jeans - although a friend of mine contends I shouldn't because it hides my curves - and most of my shoes that aren't dressy are boy's shoes. (Admittedly, that's a result of the fact that I can wear children's sizes and they're WAY cheaper to buy.) Most of my t-shirts are boy's, and almost all of my pijamas are boy's tshirts and sweatpants or basketball shorts.

Sometimes I think all this contributes to my tendency to be one of the boys. And such experiences have been really good for training the nueroses out of me. At least the boys I've been spending time with tend to be less dramatic and prone to insanity than other people in my life have been. It's an excellent example in taking things in stride. I don't get as flustered anymore. Sometimes, I even manage to let things not get to me. It's a nice feeling.

I suppose these two things should seem at odds with one another. But I think they work well in my personality. Without getting too conceited, I like that I'm not especially girly. While I know that works for some people and I validate that, I prefer to hang out with the boys. As long as I hang on to my femininity, I think I'll be OK.

And, let's be honest, one of the most fun parts of being "one of the boys" without actually being a boy? Seeing their jaws drop when I show up in my little black dress and heels, made up and looking hot. LOVE that moment.


Amalthea said...

I have never ever considered my femininity in femme or not terms... I have no idea why. I read about it all the time, but I just am whoever I am and wear whatever the hell I want. Boys' t-shirts from Wal-mart ftw. :)

I think that has something to do with never being in a truly LGBTQetc. environment - no one questions that I am feminine and hetero- no matter how true or not it might be. A few time my bisexuality has been noticed when I didn't bring it up - but it's very rare.

I am certainly a one of the boys kind of girls. I have found that they balance me, bring out the best in me, and are the easiest to have uncomplicated fun with (of the xxx and plain varieties!).

THIS is why I wish I could go to FL! We could just be one of the boys together and then WHAM sex it up at night! :D

It's so nice to hear your life is treating you how you deserve right now.

Merlin said...

I've always been mystified by the butch versus femme dichotomy (and its counterpart among gay men). If one partner enjoys fucking and the other likes to be fucked, that's cool, but why have a world-view that everyone has to conform to that model? Do what you enjoy, be yourself and be happy, even if it's not the same thing as anyone else does.