Friday, July 3, 2009

"If I'm just bad news...

... then you're a liar."

If you're going to tell me you believed what they said, then you weren't who I thought you were.

But then again, I guess I didn't turn out to be who we thought I'd be, either. And I apologize for that disappointment. I apologize for getting carried away and seeing things that weren't there. I guess I was so eager to see everything go well for once that I jumped the gun. And did silly things like I did.

"They said don't, don't let it go to your head..."

But I refuse to believe everything was made up. I'm not entirely delirious. I haven't fallen that far down. Because we both know that I'm NOT always such terrible news. Not anymore. Hell, you've even seen me smile. And sure, things aren't always running as smoothly as they could, but I refuse to acknowledge that as entirely my fault. I actually think I've done a pretty decent job of carving a life out of these ruins.

"You're a touch overrated, you're a lush and I hate it, but these grass stains on my knees, they won't mean a thing.."

Of course, you never really even saw the ruins. They were there long before you. And I should have known that what we created out of them would still be standing long after you. Or rather, I should have recognized that there would BE a time after you. It's not as scary as I thought it might be, not as dark. Although I guess dreams which build up so quickly and with such intensity burn out in the same fashion.

"Maybe I should hate you for this - never really did ever quite get that."

Maybe it's because it had such striking beauty while it lasted. Well, you did. No, scratch that. WE did. We were beautiful for those moments. That's all they were, really, when you compare it against a backdrop of an entire lifetime. There isn't much that really is significant. And maybe that's why there's just a dull ache, and not the sharp, stabbing pain of loss. It's all just a memory now anyway.

To be honest, I'm not sure it was ever anything more.

1 comment:

Jake (of Facts and Friction) said...

I love that Taking Back Sunday album! 'boys like you are a dime a dozen' - so many good memmories to go with those tracks :)