Tuesday, July 1, 2008

the size question.

So, as someone who has had a good deal of sex, and someone who considers herself generally pretty honest when it comes to sex, I was having a discussion with a friend the other day about size. She was saying that she has started mentally creating a list of the perfect man (she's straight) - certain emotional and intellectual characteristics, and, of course, her favorite sexual characteristics of different men she's been with. She was listing off certain skills, and said that she wanted her perfect man to be hung like ___, who she's told me before was "hung like a horse."

Of course, she's allowed to want this. It's a little stereotypical in my opinion, but if it's how she feels, then more power to her. Then that got me thinking about the men I've slept with, and how, if I were going to rank them (and who are we kidding, I've got some idea of what order they'd go in), how size would figure into that ranking. And as I was thinking about it, I came up with the top two - my favorite men to have sex with. And actually, in the scheme of things size-wise, they're both average. I've been with men who were much larger, and much smaller. And actually, pretty much across the board, I preferred the not-as-large cocks.

I think there was something about the men who knew they were well-endowed (like the stereotype about really attractive men who never had to be good in bed), generally wanted me to be so impressed with their size and the consequent ability to pound the living hell out of me that I would basically just explode with ecstacy thinking about it. Hmm...no. Sorry, but I'm a big believer in sex being a mutual experience - which doesn't always mean equal or tit-for-tat, but everyone should end up fulfilled and happy. Something about just being pounded doesn't really do it for me. I like some pain when it comes to sex, but not generally in the actual physical act of intercourse. (Note: There's something to be said, I've recently learned, for people who are gentle with you. Sometimes you can learn entirely new things that you had no idea you were capable of enjoying.)

I do realize that it's entirely possible that these well-endowed men I've slept with are just assholes, or that I wasn't vocal enough in telling them what I wanted (and, admittedly, I didn't sleep with many of them more than once), or or or or. But the point is that, at least in my experience, I'm a firm believer in that it's not the size that counts, but what you do with it. Because when I think of my favorite lovers, and replay the hottest nights (which, y'know, being single, happens on a relatively regular basis), size doesn't enter the equation. What comes to mind is the way I felt, the way they looked at me...

I'm realizing I'm a very intuitive person. I was reading back over some recent entires, and I realized more than anything, I write about how I feel. The connections that come from having sex, from my relationships, from my education, those are clearly what are most important to me. Which is interesting to realize about yourself. Although I'm not surprised.

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