It's so funny, the tiny little things that can brighten a day. Not that today was terrible to begin with. The sun has finally returned from it's 8-month hibernation, and I can go back to wearing the clothes I feel most comfortable and confident in (namely, tank tops, jeans and sneakers), and I've recently quit my job which lifted a giant weight off my shoulders and I'm already breathing easier.
And for the past few days, I've been imagining this exact conversation. Every time I see you I run over in my head exactly what I would say to you. And what I wish you'd respond. Then at the very last moment, I chicken out. Instead of sucking it up and asking you for your number, asking you out for a drink, asking you if you have any idea that I've wanted you since the moment I saw you, I just smile awkwardly and walk away.
Because you intimidate me. You are beautiful. And confident. And smart. And educated (they're two different things). And sure of yourself. And hot. (Oh, did I say that already?)
And sometimes next to you I feel like this young, inexperienced, sniveling little thing that in my head you would never even consider giving the time of day. Of course, you have, on multiple occasions, given me more than that. In fact, you've never been anything less than cordial. And your smiles to me always seem genuine. You look at me when I speak, like you're really interested in what I have to say. You respond thoughtfully, whether you agree or disagree. And lately, whenever you walk in the room, you take a seat right in front of me. There are others available, and others closer to your friends. But I didn't think anything of it. Again, why would you want me at all?
I couldn't tell you what was different about today. Except that as we were leaving, you turned around and asked me why you hadn't seen me out the night before. I hadn't gone out. I suddenly found myself not fumbling for words the way I usually do around you, but instead unable to keep them from escaping my lips. I asked what you were doing this weekend. You said you weren't sure, you might be going to the city. Truth is, I'm busy this weekend too. I started to walk away, then made an excuse to come back. Took a deep breath.
"Hey, maybe we should do that whole numbers thing... try and run into each other on purpose, maybe?"
You smiled at me. Genuinely. Absolutely. You leaned in closer to me, although you could hear me fine standing where you were and asked for my number. Said my name as you typed it into your phone. Looked at me again as you called my phone and the digits registered on the screen. You got it? Yeah. Good. I'll call you this weekend, ok? Definitely.
I was trying desperately to keep the smile building inside me from exposing itself fully on my face, in that wide, blissful way most often seen on fifth-graders when they first start feeling those butterflies - the ones I've accepted have taken permanent residence in my stomach whenever I see your face.
As we walk out of the room, the building, together, I'm still trying to keep my cool. Walk gracefully. Don't let the wind blow my hair in my face. Don't stare at you. Don't act like I'm anywhere near as ecstatic as I am. Because it is really simple, and I'm sure this kind of thing happens to you all the time. But nevertheless, the fact remains that you entirely made my day. And I'm so excited to get started on this adventure.
and just for good measure: *eep!* *does a happy-dance* *in the privacy of her own home, of course.*
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
What if - just if - the object of your desire was doing their own little happy dance in the privacy of their own home, having just had their day brightened by you?
Post a Comment