Wednesday, April 9, 2008

3.08 The low down on the get down

My boyfriend has told me that dirty talk really turns him on, but I have no idea what to say. How do I go about it without sounding stupid, or freaking him out and turning him off?

The fact that your boyfriend asked you to talk dirty to him obviously means he isn’t going to be turned off by you actually talking dirty. If you’re not the talkative type, you’re probably not prone to saying anything too freaky anyway.

Now, the most important thing about dirty talk is keeping the flow going. It’s a little like talking to a baby. It doesn’t matter what you say, so much as how you say it. That said, there are some words that are pretty safe bets. Any combination of “cock,” “huge,” and “fuck,” is probably OK. Thanks to years of mainstream porn, most guys are conditioned to find swear words aggressively sexy when used in the heat of the moment.

Similarly, it’s also a safe bet to avoid words like “tiny,” “yawn,” and “George W.” A poll of the easily accessible, heterosexual, and sexually active men in my life revealed that they’re pretty open to you calling them just about anything. One even said, “Hell, she can call me a fucking bastard if she says it right.” Now that might not be exactly what your boyfriend likes, but if you’re still unsure, ask him to lead by example. Then take a deep breath, enjoy the moment, and start talking.

I really love the feeling of having raw sex with my girlfriend, but I’m worried about pregnancy and STIs. I’ve tried pulling out, but I think it’s too risky. Are there other ways I can have safe sex without a condom?

I usually use my little space here to try and answer questions with some kind of humorous edge, but frankly, I don’t think there’s much to joke about with safer sex. It’s pretty serious business.

You probably know that the most effective form of protection from sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy is a condom. They’re over 99 percent effective when used correctly. However, if you and your partner are exclusive, and you’ve both been tested for STIs including HIV and HPV (neither of which are included in regular STI screenings), there are several options open to you.

If your girlfriend is willing to use prescribed medication, there are many varieties of the Pill, which is over 98 percent effective. There are also other methods, including the Ring and Patch, which both use hormones almost identical to those in the Pill. The Shot lasts for three months, offers similar protection to the Pill, and is almost 97 percent effective. Less invasive methods include the diaphragm, sponge, and spermicidal lubricants, but these are less reliable.

Deciding on what’s right for you and your partner is a crucial decision, so use this information as a starting point, but don’t hesitate to talk to a professional to get the whole low down on the get down.

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