exactly what I wanted....

It's funny. I was thinking about being happy. And the fact that right now I'm in... well, we'll call it a relationship, although it isn't in the traditional sense. But really, we all know how I feel about labels. Anyway, the point is, I'm REALLY happy in this relationship. It doesn't look at all like I thought a new relationship would look like, but it is, really, exactly what I was looking for. To the point that I'd told people this is what I was looking for.

Something not terribly serious. Lighthearted - doesn't need to be exclusive. I've spent so long in serious relationships, and for the past several years, those were relationships I wasn't happy in. So I thought if I went looking for something completely different, maybe the result would be equally distant. I just didn't think I would find it.

I do wonder if it says anything about me, though. I get stupidly excited when my phone rings - it's like I'm 15, and I get these butterflies in my stomach. And we don't really go anywhere. We call each other when we need one another, and we've both made an effort to be available to the other. And I have someone to sleep next to when I want. But what I love most is the way he looks at me. It's been a long time since someone looked at me like that. He'll just look at me, and a smile will spread across his face, and he'll run his fingers through my hair and pull me in to kiss him. And he's a really good kisser.

And the way he talks to me. We have a hell of a lot in common, and he's so smart. And creative. And talented. And I'm gushing, I know. But we're so straightforward with each other - about what he and I are or aren't, and about what's good, how we're feeling. And he does these adorable little things - like making sure I'm comfortable when I spend the night. The other night he went into the guest room to bring me more pillows, and now they're there whenever I spend the night. He sleeps with one pillow. He'll look at me, and just ask if I'm happy. Telling me he just wants to check. The honesty is really a key part of why I like him. Well, that and he's hot. Has fabulous lips. And I mentioned he's a great kisser, right?

Oh, yeah, and the sex is fantastic. And kinky. And all-around awesome. Jesus, I've never come so hard. And there's something really wonderful about being with someone who can be dirty and indulge me, and then just as easily cuddle with me or ask me to come join him in the shower. Or do little things like make sure I have a toothbrush at his house. I know a lot of these probably sound like standard fare, but it's been so long since I've been with someone like this (if I ever have... which is debatable), that I'm really enjoying it.

So I apologize for the gushing. Oddly enough, there aren't a whole lot of people I can talk to about this, and, well, you all are a captive audience. So, HA.